Teen Link

A young man had contacted me in regards to my book “My Daddy’s Secret”. Through many discussions with him, I had invited him to work with me on a youth link that would hopefully bring encouragement to the youth who may be facing a parent whose gender has changed.

This section has been dedicated to the young people who are searching for their own answers when facing the issue of dad or mom changing their gender by surgery. This can be a devastating and life changing experience for anyone. The youth deserve a special section that they can connect to with encouragement.

There are a lot of questions that you may be asking yourself. It is important to figure out how you feel and how you are going to deal with your emotional pain, uncertainty and/or confusion that has impacted your life with your parent’s gender change.

You are probably asking yourself “What has just happened to my family?” There are many emotions that you may find yourself struggling with, such as; shock, rejection, grief, sadness, anger, resentment, isolation and denial. This is normal. But, remember it is best for you to deal with any feelings and thoughts that you may have difficulty with. Stuffing your emotions down in will not make it go away or make it easier to deal with in the end.

Hope is what we need to replace our hopelessness and despair with. You matter to Christ and he has the power to help you get beyond the place you are. Hebrews 6:19 This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both secure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil.

Please remember the sensitivity to these issues and area’s of your life that this is impacted. If you feel you need a counselor, please speak to someone and let them know of your need to do so.

1. Know you are NOT alone!

2. Talk to someone you can trust. Finding someone you can trust allows you to feel more comfortable in releasing your true thoughts and feelings. Be honest to the individual you trust. Honesty will help you with your individual healing.

3. Do not feel pressured by yourself or others that your pain or emptiness is wrong or selfish. What you feel is real and does matter. It is important for you to know that what you feel counts.

4. Know that drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self mutilating and sexual experiences will not help you to successfully deal with your pain. It will only medicate your pain for a period of time and possibly affect you with an addiction by running in to these type of methods. This would only harm you and bring negative consequences.

5. It is so important to remember this is not your fault. Do NOT blame yourself for what has happened or “think” that you are personally responsible for your parent’s change.

6. Know that you are an individual, separate from your parent. There may times that you wonder if you will be effected by gender identity because of having a parent who struggles or decides to change their identity. The important thing to remember is that you are indeed an individual.

7. If you are questioning yourself and wondering if you will to have this struggle because of your parent. Just remember not all boys/men are manly. Some men are artistic. Some men are more gentle then others and don’t fit the macho mold. These traits do not make anyone less of a man. Some women don’t enjoy cooking or the traditional “girl” role, but connects to guy hobbies. Again, those traits do not make anyone less of girl/woman.

8. Build yourself up by being who you are as an individual. You are special despite what you may think or how you may feel about yourself during this rough time. Build yourself up by being who you are.

9. Never give up on your own healing. Always remember one day at a time!

Psalm 31:22
In my alarm I said, "I am cut off from your sight!" Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.

The child is supposed to be loved and cared for. It is not your fault if you feel you have not received the love you need. A parent’s role is to protect and nurture their child. Parents are supposed to give you support and understanding for any hardships you may come across. Instead parents want you to give them appreciation for deserting you to follow their desires and dreams. Remember that it is not your fault if your parent had not taken care of your needs. Try to separate their problems from yourself and know that it is not your fault.
(Anthony 16 yrs old)

Dedicated to Anthony (16 yrs. old) and Zackary