Becky's testimony

Coincidentally I'm called Becky, & often-just Beck. I was born male suffering from acute shyness & severe inferiority complexes from an early age. Somewhere in this time I began cross-dressing in my mother's clothes literally in closets. I wanted to date girls, get married and have children but my shyness & self-hatred prevented me from ever being able to find a wife/partner. I always feared hurting a wife and children as your own testimonial confirms my fears. Like most Trans folks I bought into the deception I was a member of the opposite sex trapped in the wrong body. I am 54 years old, having changed my name in the early 90's to Rebecca Jean. I have had irreversible sex reassignment surgery (creation of a "neovagina" including castration) in 1997. My own thankfully not too large breasts are a result of many years taking HRT (estrogen) and must continue taking congregated estrogen for the remainder of my physical life on this earth. Here in Canada I am designated female on all legal documentation. I live a lonely and celibate (chaste) life for most of my years esp. I don't have the same physical temptations post operatively.

Over the last few years I have been coming to know God on my own. I have come to realize the absolute truth; I am as God had originally created me. I am learning of God's Righteous Judgment of which both this sinning God hating world and myself rightly deserve. I’m also beginning to understand God's Grace through the shed blood of our Lord Jesus Christ on the cross for my sins; becoming a kind of "Christian Secret Agent" though daily reading & studying Bible passages, daily devotionals, viewing certain internet websites, such as SO4J.com, Westboro Baptist Church, & other internet teachers, written internet resources such as Web Bible/Bible Gateway, & listening to XM 170 Family Talk. (esp. Bible Answer Man & XM 34 Enlighten Southern Gospel). I have only recently begun to share my faith with anyone literally apart from writing Exodus, & the much hated Westboro Baptist Church of which I have adopted a strange affection for "fire and brimstone" Calvinistic preaching.  I attended a local Grace Community Church for the first time only last week, tomorrow (Sun Jul 18/10) will be my second visit. I'm still so scared of others finding out about being rejected and me.  I see myself suffering as similar to poor Job; struggling in my flesh, feeling at times cast down, in shame &everlasting guilt; condemned to hell with Deut.22: 5 & Deut 23:1-2, Gen 19,Lev. 18:22 & 20:13 & sexual sins of 1 Cor 6:9-20 & Romans 1:18-32 I feel it of utmost importance to share my story with you and ask if I might be allowed to pray for you & the others in your Help4 families organization in my Daily Confession of Faith to the Lord thy God.